Dad Jokes About Animals

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide? A: Because he’s always spotted. Q: How do moths swim? A: Using the butterfly stroke. Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog? A: Toad. Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? A: 10 tickles. Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the road? A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk! Q: Why are spiders so smart? A: They can find everything on the web. Q: How can a leopard change his spots? A: By moving. Q: What did the duck say when it bought chapstick? A: “Put it on my bill!” Q: What does a cow use to do math? A: A cow-culator. Q: What would bears be without the letter B? A: Ears. Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Of course! Buildings can’t jump, silly. Q: What did the alpaca say to his date? A: “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.” Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow? A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaaad moooooooood. Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? A: If they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels. Q: What do you call a penguin in the White House? A: Lost. Q: What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey? A: A pouch potato. Q: Why are snails bad at racing? A: They’re sluggish. Q: How does a boar sign its name? A: With a pig pen. Q: Why should you never trust a carp’s excuse? A: They always seem a little fishy. Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim? A: The kitty pool.

Dad Jokes About Science

Q: Which is faster, hot or cold? A: Hot, because you can catch a cold. Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell? A: Dung! Q: What did the photon say when asked if she needed to check a bag? A: “No thanks, I’m traveling light!” Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? A: It’s impossible to put down. Q: Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on earth? A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it. Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? A: Nothing, they just waved. Q: What kind of music do the planets listen to? A: Nep-tunes! Q: Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano? A: It’s just so lava-ble. Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet. Q: What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? A: “Hey there bud!” Q: Why are skeletons so calm? A: Because nothing gets under their skin. Q: What did Mars ask Saturn? A: “Hey, why don’t you give me a ring some time?” Q: Why can’t you trust an atom? A: Because they make up everything. Q: Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? A: Because you will get Jurasskicked. Q: What do clouds do when they become rich? A: They make it rain! Q: Want to hear a potassium joke? A: K. Q: Why are helium, curium, and barium the medical elements? A: Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um. Q: What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down his genes! Q: How did the chemist feel about oxygen and potassium hanging out? A: OK. Q: When Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, what do you call them? A: Alloys.

Dad Jokes About Food

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married? A: Because they cantaloupe. Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta. Q: What did the Baby corn ask Mama corn? A: “Where’s my pop corn?” Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed get off the hill? A: It was on a roll. Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A: A deviled egg. Q: Why did the onion get flustered? A: It saw the salad dressing. Q: Why is the hot pepper the nosiest vegetable? A: It can’t help but get jalapéno space. Q: Why do crabs never share their lobsters? A: They’re shellfish. Q: What do Japanese monsters like to eat ? A: Raw-men Q: What do you call a happy camper? A Jolly Rancher. Q: Why are mushrooms always invited to parties? A: They’re a fungi. Q: What do you call a fancy seafood meal? A: So-fish-ticated. Q: What do you call a sad strawberry? A: A blueberry. Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital? A: He wasn’t peeling well. Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate? A: A pork chop. Q: Where do pancakes rise? A: In the yeast. Q: What is a mummy’s favorite food? A: Wraps. Q: What kind of fruit do you bring while sailing? A: Naval oranges. Q: What do frogs order at restaurants? A: French flies. Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: Impasta. Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot.

Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Good

Q: How do I look? A: With your eyes. Q: How do you get a country girl’s attention? A: A tractor. Q: Why is the cemetery so popular? A: People are just dying to get in there! Q: What was the child who wouldn’t nap guilty of? A: Resisting a rest! Q: Where do cows go for entertainment? A: To the moovies. Q: What did the zero say to the eight? A: “Nice belt.” Q: What do you call a pile of cats? A: A meow-tain. Q: What do you call a flea in France? A: A paris-ite. Q: What runs around a baseball field but never moves? A: A fence. Q: Why was the calendar afraid? A: Its days were numbered. Q: What time did the man go to the dentist? A: Tooth hurt-y. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? A: It didn’t have the guts. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: You put a little boogie in it. Q: My dad told me a joke about boxing. A: I guess I missed the punch line. Q: What kind of car does an egg drive? A: A yolkswagen. Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? A: Snowballs. Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? A: He’s fully recovered. Q: Why did the coach go to the bank? A: To get his quarter back. Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician? A: “Pick a cod, any cod.” Q: Which bear is the most condescending? A: A pan-duh! Q: What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? A: Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

Dad Jokes About Technology

Q: What does a baby computer call his father? A: Data. Q: Why was the robot so tired after his road trip? A: He had a hard drive. Q: Did you hear about the power outlet that got into a fight with a power cord? A: He thought he could socket to him. Q: Why did the computer have no money left? A: Someone cleaned out its cache! Q: What’s a computer’s favorite snack? A: Microchips! A: Prime mates. Q: Why should you never use “beef stew” as a password? A: It’s not stroganoff. Q: What do you call your grandma’s number on speed dial? A: Instagram. Q: What’s another name for an iPhone power cord? A: Apple juice. Q: What do you call a video game rematch? A: A Wii-match. Q: What do you call a TV vaccination? A: A screen-shot. Q: Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road? A: To get to the other slide. Q: Why did the computer always play “Someone Like You?” A: It was a Dell. Q: Why did the laptop show up late to school? A: It had a hard drive. Q: What kind of internet page do you seek out when your eyes are tired of reading? A: A site for sore eyes.
Q: What do you call an iPhone with no sense of humor? A: Too Siri-ous. Q: Why was the Samsung phone’s camera blurry? A: It had lost its contacts. Q: Why was the man fired from the keyboard factory? A: He wasn’t working with enough shifts. Q: Why couldn’t the computer buy a new pair of jeans? A: It had spent all its cache. Q: Why do smartphones ring? A: Because they can’t talk.

Dad Jokes About Movies and Pop Culture

Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? A: You follow the fresh prints. Q: How do celebrities stay cool? A: They have many fans. Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church? A: Christian Bale. Q: What’s the difference between Harry Potter and Voldemort’s Instagram accounts? A: Voldemort has followers, Harry Potter, friends. Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? A: 1forest1. Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? A: Fo’ drizzle. Q: What do you call a security guard outside of a Samsung store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy. Q: What did Mark Wahlberg feed Ted? A: Nothing, because he was already stuffed. Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she’d just let it go. Q: How does Reese eat cereal? A: Witherspoon. Q: What do you get when you light 16 candles under a romantic comedy lead actor? A: John Bar-be-Cusak. Q: What do you call a nearsighted cowboy? A: Squint Eastwood. Q: Why did the Jedi cross the road? A: To get to the dark side. Q: What do you call a freshly fallen tree? A: Die Hard. Q: Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? A: It’s rated “Arrrrrrr.”

Star Wars Dad Jokes

Q: What kind of business would Yoda start? A: A Toy Yoda dealership Q: What do Gungans keep things in? A: Jar Jars. Q: What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? A: The! Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday? A: He felt his presents. Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his fir? A: A chocolate chip Wookie. Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant? A: Darth Waiter! Q: Where did Luke Skywalker buy his new arm? A: At the second hand store! Q: What does everyone call Darth Vader whenever he procrastinates? A: Darth Later. Q: What was Luke’s reaction to food made by baby Wookiees? A: “It’s good, but it’s a little Chewie.” Q: Did you hear about the Gungan who became a taxi cab driver? A: His name is Car Car Binks. Q: Why does Darth Vader always sound so angry when he breathes? A: He’s always venting. Q: What do you call Kenobi triplets? A: Obi-Threes. Q: What do you call C-3PO when he’s being a good listener? A: Hear-Threepio. Q: What was Luke’s secret codename before he got his mechanical limb? A: Hand Solo Q: Where would Darth Vader stay if he would settle down in the USA? A: The Empire State Building. Q: Why did the movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? A: In charge of scheduling, Yoda was. Q: Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? A: So it doesn’t Hang So-low.

Dad Jokes About Cars & Vehicles

Q: How often did my friend ride his DeLorean? A: From time to time. Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? A: Hailing taxis. Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks. Q: What do you get when you put a car and a pet together? A: A carpet. Q: Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul van? A: He wanted to bust a move. Q: What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of fuel? A: The Ford Siesta. Q: What kind of vehicle does an egg drive? A: A Yolks-wagen. Q: What did the traffic light say to the car? A: “Close your eyes, I’m changing!” Q: Why can’t motorcycles do push-ups? A: Because they’re always two-tired. Q: What kind of cars do cats drive? A: Catillacs. Q: What happened when the man crashed his expensive car? A: He found out how a Mercedes bends. Q: Why did the spider buy a sports car? A: So he could take it out for a spin.