Inge Bretherton of the University of Wisconsin-Madison started asking these questions decades ago and then, in 1989, devised the Parent Attachment Interview. While unthreatening on the surface, the 22-question interview essentially helps scientists determine how much individual parents love their children. For instance, researchers have used the survey to identify how involved fathers impact toddlers.
The Parent Attachment Interview
Now the PAI is technically meant to be administered by professionals in a controlled setting. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try it yourself. Here are the 22 questions:
So…Am I A Good Parent?
The key portion of the PAI is somewhere in the middle of the survey, between Question #5 and Question #14. There, the interview focuses on the current parent-child relationship, largely asking parents to recall their childrens’ emotions or their own emotions. That’s crucial to determining attachment between children and parents, because studies have shown that, if you have a clear idea of what your child is feeling, that’s usually a sign of a strong relationship. If you want to know whether you’re an “involved” dad, that’s the best place to start. Did you find it easy to describe your child’s feelings and what makes him or her unique? Involved parents tend to have strong, detailed answers to questions 5-14. Then again, these interviews are usually reviewed by trained staff who have no particular love for the interviewees. It’s obviously difficult to complete a non-biased assessment of yourself with only vague guidelines. So the results won’t tell you whether you’re a good or bad parent. But they can help alert you to potential weaknesses in your developing relationship with your kids, so you can make repairs.
How Can I Become A More Involved Father?
So you had no idea how to answer most of the above questions, and your cursory self-evaluation suggests that you’re not “involved” enough to meet scientific standards. Now what? There’s still hope. If you live far away from your children, keeping in regular contact can forge unconventional but still close relationships. “Writing letters, phone calls — even if you’re not in physical proximity, knowing your dad cares and wants to be involved to the extent that they can is really important,” Marcy Carlson, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin, once told Fatherly. And for fathers who are around but just don’t feel that closeness, Carlson stresses that simply existing in the same home as your child is not enough. “The quantity of interaction doesn’t really benefit kids,” she said. “But if you have more high-quality, engaged parenting that does seem to be positively related to outcomes for children.” That means showing up to soccer practice, helping with homework, and taking a genuine interest in your child’s activities — with warmth and love, of course. So stop ignoring your kids so you can take online surveys to determine whether or not you’re an “involved” dad. Instead, get on the floor with your kid — and become one.
