Apparently, swinging this oversized bottle opener while you exercise makes you a beast. At least, that seems to be the case with Evnik and her 13-year-old brother Rushik, who are the most terrifying adolescent siblings since the girls from The Shining: What’s the snapping hiss you hear with every swing of the Evnik? Why, that’s “the sound of power.” And if that’s the funniest line you’ve read today, then prepare for the motherlode. The website is a series of one unintentionally hilarious statement after another, which don’t even require you to read them in a Borat accent (although you definitely should):
“Disclose the secret of the most fast girl.”“Evnik on your hand is your personal trainer, which helps you in the sport ground and seems realy professional.”“There is no even analogue in the world.”
Evnik comes in five colors and is available in both adult and child sizes, but unless you’re still actively pursuing athletic greatness, just get one for you kids, because: “Evnik for kids. If I can … then I am not little!” Buy Now $25-$29
