On Those Who Are Born Lucky “Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.” On The Fallibility Of Dad “It’s a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you — when he comes down from the mountain and you see he’s this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.” On Messages From On High “Do you think that God gets stoned once in a while? Look at a platypus. I think so.” On What’s Important “There’s three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.” On Your Creativity “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” On His Favorite Kids’ Books “My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings. And a favorite book as a child? Growing up, it was The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe — I would read the whole C.S. Lewis series out loud to my kids. I was once reading to Zelda, and she said ‘Don’t do any voices. Just read it as yourself.’ So I did, I just read it straight, and she said ‘That’s better.’” On Fear As A Parenting Motivator “Everyone has these 2 visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying, ‘I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.’ The other is, ‘You want fries with that?’” On Masculinity “Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: ‘You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.’ Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, ‘It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.’ On Bullies “Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They’ve got nothing to lose.” On Letting Your Kids Pursue Their Dreams “When I said I wanted to be an actor, he said ‘Wonderful. Just have a backup profession. Like welding.’” On The End “Death is nature’s way of saying, ‘Your table is ready!’”
