The video mocks “every dumb media company thinks you like them enough to become a paid subscriber” and the services they’re betting on, each of which deserves the scorn it receives for different reasons. Netflix is “the company that used to send you DVDs that would sit unwatched on your coffee table” that now runs “a streaming service full of shows that will sit unwatched in their own library.” It also mentions Quickster, which a real below-the-belt shot. Like its network namesake, CBS All Access caters to the olds. It’s just a collection of “shows that were designed to sell denture cream to viewers who haven’t known how to change the channel on their TV since ’97.” Accurate. Peacock gets rightly mocked for pivoting from the Olympics to a 30 Rock infomercial for itself. And for an NBC streaming service to not have Friends, Seinfeld, or ER is just sad. And speaking of Friends, it’s noted that all the good content on HBO Max is subsidized by “the dullards who want to watch this for the 900th time” (cue Joey saying “How you doin’?”). The video also has choice words for YouTube, which doesn’t offer new shows but does offer “what the dumbest, worst people are looking for.” Hulu is just a life raft for cable. Apple TV+ is home to “storytelling so refined and exclusive nobody you know has ever seen or talked about it.” Disney+ is cracking under the pressure of propping up its massive owner. But the only thing more disrespectful than being fully mocked by this video is being quickly mocked as it’s coming to a close because let’s be honest: no one cares about Crackle.
