But here’s the thing about new relationship energy: it fades. The butterflies settle. Those who used to inspire them eventually will become the face of your bedroom routine. And capturing the same sexual high you experienced in the beginning of things can become a bit tricky. Sow how can you rebuild the sexual tension within our relationships? How do we reignite the chase? Fatherly reached out to some individuals and experts to see what they had to say. Some might be surprised to find that their insights extend well beyond sex itself. Listed below are some tips and tricks to keeping the energy alive. Find Opportunity in Passing Moments. Just because you can’t have sex at any given minute doesn’t mean you can’t refer to it. Find opportunity in passing moments. Let that kiss goodbye linger a bit longer than usual. Say something different to your wife as you part ways in the morning. “I think perhaps our society supports the idea that all needs should be immediately attended to or ignored,” explains Dr. Mark Sharp, a relationship-oriented psychologist. “If I’m feeling horny but my wife has to leave for work in two minutes, I just push the desire away because it can’t be acted on.” Sharp suggests leaning in to those inopportune moments. Drop a figurative breadcrumb at each one of these encounters, and trail back to that past sensual space. “By focusing on eroticism rather than the sexual act couples can bring that positive tension back into the relationship and it usually ends up in hotter sex when space allows,” says Sharp. Make Your Intentions Known Not all attempts to create sexual tension need to be subtle. Dave and his wife got married a few years ago. After the birth of their two children, he says sex slowed dramatically. But that all changed when his wife discovered a certain prop to help communicate when and if sex is on her mind: crotchless yoga pants. “When my wife wears them, even though no one can guess her secret, I know what she wants,” he says. “They have really spiced up our relationship.” In other ways: it’s about finding overt ways to maintain an attraction. If you want to do without the props, there’s always the option of delivering a friendly peck, or pat-on-the-butt in passing. You can also bring things into the digital space. Sexting is now officially on the menu. Bang out a fun or thoughtful message on your lunch break. Reminisce about one of your favorite romps. Put sex into her head, and let it linger throughout the day. “Couples should express their desire even if there isn’t an opportunity to pursue it,” says Sharp. Don’t Forget About Appreciation and Emotional Intimacy In the throes of parenting, it’s easy for emotional intimacy to fall to the wayside. But maintaining it is essential for maintaining sexual tension. So do your share of the emotional labor. Be supportive. Pay attention to your partner’s handling of certain situations and be vocal about your appreciation. “Appreciation is for being seen for what you’re contributing, even if it’s mundane and routine,” says Dr. Emily Upshur, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City. Check that. In other words: Parenting is a never-ending game of Did I Just Do Anything Right? It’s easy to feel doubt, let alone any sense of confidence. As the supportive spouse, it’s your job to step in and provide, yes, validation. The words can vary but the subtext remains: I saw that and I’m not keeping it to myself. When such needs are met, you and your partner can focus on sexual tension. Schedule Sex Scheduled sex might sound as sexy as a 9 a.m. Monday accounting meeting. But give it a try: Anticipation is enticing and, done right, builds tension. Scheduling sex simply means you’re injecting a little organization into your intimate time. And that can actually work out in your favor. “Scheduled sex gives something to look forward to and anticipate,” Sarah E. Clark is a licensed therapist and relationship expert previously explained. “Don’t waste the opportunity by putting it out of your mind until the appointed time pops up on your calendar, or falling into the trap of believing hot sex has to be spontaneous. Planned sex gives you an opportunity to prolong the emotional foreplay. Let your partner know throughout the day how much you are looking forward to it.” Incorporate Novelty into the Agenda Sex with the same person can, of course, become predictable. But there are some easy ways to avoid that. That’s where sexual novelty comes into play. Celia Schweyer, a relationship expert over at DatingScout.com suggests exploring different routes of experimentation. Try new positions. Maybe you can surprise your partner with a new toy that caters to a form of stimulation you know she responds to. Maybe you can reserve some time to watch a movie featuring some prize sex scenes (and if she’s into porn, you can always pull that up on the big). Maybe some BDSM is on the table. Going to a new restaurant makes you look forward to a meal, the same can be said about sex.
